Remember since childhood we have been hearing that in order to be happy we should look at people who are sad and below us in their living standards - or else we shall land up cribbing all the time for not having the riches of some rich kid? well I don't think people understood it all quite well...so I am attaching a Powerpoint presentation that I received by someone in this World who is probably 'my kinds' - see whether it makes any difference to you...or you still want to color your hair and wear a scanty outfit to gyrate like a perfect fool !<Click here>
Now for the perfect way to spend a day with friends - Party & Drinks - both hard and soft ! Hard Drinks are injurious to health - it directly attacks the Liver - we all know know that - but what about Soft Drinks - Lets see - do click on the Soft Drink and its effects and enjoy reading what you all have been indulging till date !<Click Here> - Forwarding this mail to all Parents who go through hell bringing up a child - from washing nappies to school admissions to buying books to keeping all requests of the child to 101 other things but something as soft and delicate as a Soft Drink can snatch away your dreams and the labour of bringing up kids ..in a fraction of a milisecond...then don't look heavenwards asking GOD about how ,why,where - it happened etc.!!Scientists , chemists are also born in a natural way - and they are working for the GODS....so what they find out is worth paying a heed to.....
A very beautiful Mail this is "Ten Things God Wont Ask" - I received and the way it has been presented is marvellous ! Take a look and recommend your friends and enemies to have a look at this Powerpoint Presentation.
Well now back to the Male dominated World of ours ..that every exhibition is incomplete without scanty-li dressed girls they hire from 'they know best' where!I somethimes wonder the mental set up of these girls - are they showing their private parts publicly because - they like / love showing it and be an object of masturbation for several million sex starved men together / or they are forced by their parents to show their private parts and earn money !! - or maybe by mistake she married a wrong man and now he has become her pimp and forcing her to exhibit her teats / maybe she is a mother for 2 kids - husband has left her for a better model so now to make both ends meet - she is having to show her 'shaved ofcourse' private parts in public...one thing to notice in this presentation (that was forwarded to me) is that the place is full of men - not a single 'other woman' other than the models are seen here ! Is this the reason why men run to see the latest model of a car...?
<Click Here>to view 'all kinds of ' views..rear,front,lateral....the reason for which men take birth on Earth I suppose !
Mathematics versus Logic.
There were two nuns...
One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).
It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM: It's not working.
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.
Then Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.
SM: And?
SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.
SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister?
A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down.
How long does this Physical Expression last ?
An older
couple were lying in bed after an evening celebrating there 50th Wedding
Anniversary. The husband was falling asleep,but the wife was in a romantic
mood and wanted to talk.
She said, "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to go
back to sleep.
A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me."
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and
settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite me on my neck."
Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
He answered, "To get my teeth!"
I am very poor in maths,economics etc..but this mailer was an eye - opener !
Economies
of the world...
TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You retire on the income.
INDIAN ECONOMICS
You
have two cows.
You worship them.
PAKISTANI ECONOMICS
You
don't have any cows.
You claim that the Indian cows belong to you.
You ask the US for financial aid, China for military aid,
British for Warplanes, Italy for machines, Germany for technology,
French for submarines, Switzerland for loans,
Russia for drugs and Japan for equipment.
You buy the cows with all this and claim of exploitation by the world.
AMERICAN ECONOMICS
You
have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You profess surprise when the cow drops dead.
You put the blame on some nation with cows &
naturally that nation will be a danger to mankind
You wage a war to save the world and grab the cows.
FRENCH ECONOMICS
You
have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
GERMAN ECONOMICS
You
have two cows.
You reengineer them so that they live for 100 years,
eat once a month and milk themselves.
BRITISH ECONOMICS
You
have two cows.
They are both mad cows.
ITALIAN ECONOMICS
You
have two cows.
You don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.
SWISS ECONOMICS
You
have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.
JAPANESE ECONOMICS
You
have two cows.
You redesign them so that they are one-tenth the size
of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create cute cartoon cow images called Cowkimon
and market them worldwide.
RUSSIAN ECONOMICS
You
have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 17 cows.
You give up counting and open another bottle of vodka .
CHINESE ECONOMICS
You
have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity
and arrest anyone reporting the actual numbers.
KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.
PLATO: For the greater good.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.
TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.
SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said
unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken
crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.
MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the
chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.
DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.
EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
ANDERSEN
CONSULTING: Deregulation of the chicken\'s side of the road was
threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant
challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly
competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship
with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution
strategy and implementation processes. Using thePoultry Integration Model
(PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge,
capital and experiences to align the chicken\'s people, processes and
technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management
framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road
analysts and best chickens
along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation
industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage
their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable
them to synergies with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals
of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide
value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes.
The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an
impact environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and
built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned
with the chicken\'s mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive
towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen
Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.
Azharuddin:"I am totally innocent, you know, I\'m unnecessarily being dragged into this, you know, because I\'m from the minority..... I neither know the chicken nor the road, you know...."
Deve Gowda:"zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....mmmm...mm... chicken ??? Thanks, I\'ll have it later !! mm.. snooore... .....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"",1] ); //-->
George Fernandez: "I am deeply hurt that this question is being asked after my 40 clean years of public life. I don\'t own a house, or a car, leave alone a chicken !!!"
Mulayam:"I demand a 50% reservation of the road for the chicken class, so that they can cross the road freely without their motives being questioned"
Abdul Kalam:"Yes, why did the chickens cross the road? ... please tell me why? .. they crossed to go to the other side of the road... now repeat after me ...."
Advani:"I see the hands of Pakistan in this ..."
Vatal Nagaraj:"No Tamil or outside chickens will be allowed to cross our roads, our roads are meant only for Kanadiga chickens!".
Bal Thackarey: "Chickens crossing the roads is against our culture, my followers will stone all such chickens which cross the road".
Jayalalithaa:"From reliable sources I\'ve got the information that the chicken belongs to
Karunanidhi. He is making his chicken cross the road to create law & order problems. The chicken has now been imprisoned under POTO".
Mamta Banerjee:"Ib I\'m made Union Railbay minstaar, I bill chee that chickans will trable by train... no cross road anymoore!".
A.K Antony:"Zimmmmply! ...that\'s a question you should ask Karunakuran...Heee, heee."
Amitabh Bachhan:"The chicken has crossed the road?.. are you sure.. very sure ... really sure..." \n
Sonia Gandhi:"That the chicken crossed the road clearly demonstrates the fact that the people and chicken have lost confidence in the Government.The Government should own moral responsibility and resign!!!"
Venkaiah Naidu:"We are very sure of the fact that the chicken did not cross the road. It's a conspiracy by the congress to bring the Government down. The poor chicken has been made a scapegoat in this whole issue"
H.S.Surjeet:"We are adopting a wait and watch policy.
We have convened a meeting of the third front today. We will decide the
future course of action after the chicken comes back.."
Maneka Gandhi:"Chicken crossed the road alone...!! If a vehicle had passed over it, we would have lost one of our dearest creatures. Ban all vehicles from using the road. Protect our chickens..."
Salman Khan:"I ran over the chicken (Hic!). It was not intentional ... It was accidental (Hic!)... ... you\'re now asking this question to me only because I\'m a celebrity(Hic!)".
Aparna Gangopadhyay(Me): She would not have..but she saw her 'hubby' cock ogling at a scantily clad 'Call Chick' -the call chick was whistling at HIM..and he was gradually getting drawn towards her - it was at this time that the Chicken crossed the road to bring back her cock - since she had recently seen the movie - 'Mera Pati sirf mera hai' !
Just admit it - this is what you have always been wanting to do to your rival....
Last but the not the least - most Software Programmers are men after all....so they have built their personal Dance Bala :
Okay - Talking about my Scientist Sons (Assuming I am Mother Earth - oh! yeah?! beg your pardon? You don't want to assume - why? we were made to assume things in Physics like "Assuming that a packet is thrown from a Plane flying at some #$%^@ velocity ..calculate the distance covered and time taken for the packet to reach Mother Earth !!" - now tell me what good did it do to me?.....so just assume - so coming back to congratulate my Scientist Sons - here is yet another Breakthrough in Computer Inventions<Click here> - now any time men (rich men with poor friends) can go - focus at the wall (any wall ) and watch the dance of some 'Item Girl' - or some hot music video...or maybe something more HOT - Congratulations ! Bravo !!
From infanthood to adulthood...women always had to share their bed with Shitty Men !
(the Mother cleans the shit of her infant son & then the wife takes over....)
Kenny came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinko drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife, who was already asleep.
He gave a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.
When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe.
"Who the hell are you?" Demanded Kenny, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?".
The mysterious Man answered "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter".
Kenny was stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family.... you've got to send me back straight away".
St Peter
replied "Yes you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can
only send you back as a dog or a hen." Kenny was devastated, but
knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he
asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later, he was covered
in feathers and
clucking around pecking the ground. "This ain't so bad" he thought
until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.
The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?"
"It's not so bad" replies Kenny, "but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode".
"You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never laid an egg before".
"Never" replies Kenny
"Well just relax and let it happen"
And so he
did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from
under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions
got the better of him as he experienced
motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling
of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a
hen was the best thing that ever happened to him... ever!!!
The joy kept
coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous
smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting "Kenny,
wake up you drunken bastard, you're shitting the bed!
Camels..and parenthood - so similar ! This has been happening since eons but still people are going for child birth !Eating thorns and bleeding - cribbing and then dying !..and the children are busy watching sons & daughters born to crassy people who sell their daughters esp. and let them be a 'sex object' for the mass !!..or is it because of this 'state of affairs' that children are becoming more and more frustrated,suicidal and hate their parents?- for bringing them to such a God-forsaken contradictory World ?
FATHER - CHILD RELATIONSHIP
When you were 8 years old , your dad handed you an ice cream. You thanked
him By dripping it all over your lap.
When you were 9 years old , he paid for piano lessons. You thanked him
by Never even bothering to practice.
When you were 10 years old he drove you all day,from soccer to gymnastic
to One birthday party after another. You thanked him by jumping out of
the car And never looking back.
When you were 11 years old , he took you and your friends to the movies.
You Thanked him by asking to sit in a different row.
When you were 12 years old , he warned you not to watch certain TV shows.
You Thanked him by waiting until he left the house.
When you were 13 , he suggested a haircut that was becoming. You thanked
him By telling him he had no taste.
When you were 14 , he paid for a month away at summer camp. You thanked
him By forgetting to write a single letter.
When you were 15 , he came home from work, looking for a hug. You thanked
him By having your bedroom door locked.
When you were 16 , he taught you how to drive his car. You thanked him
by Taking it every chance you could.
When you were 17 , he was expecting an important call. You thanked him
by Being on the phone all night.
When you were 18 , he cried at your high school graduation. You thanked
him By staying out partying until dawn.
When you were 19 , he paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus
Carried your bags. You thanked him by saying good-bye outside the dorm
so You wouldn't be embarrassed in front of your friends.
When you were 25, he helped to pay for your wedding, and he cried and
told You how deeply he loved you. You thanked him by moving halfway across
the Country.
When you were 50 , he fell ill and needed you to take care of him. You
Thanked him by reading about the burden parents become to their children.
Mon papa merveilleux
And then, one day , he quietly died. And everything you never did came
Crashing down like thunder on YOUR HEART.
What is Business ?
Father: I want you
to marry a girl of my choice
Son : "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son: "Well, in that case...ok"
Next Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"
Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case...ok"
This is how business is done!!